Not pride, but fear

Not pride, but fear.......Sometimes Oftentimes it's not pride, but fear that stands in my way. Rather than stand up and face the fear no matter how small or big it may be, often times it just feels right to take the coward approach and shut down and shut off from everything. Not just because of fear of the outcome, but also because of the fear that even if it does turn out in the positive direction initially, a way to muck it up in the end will be found by you and ultimately happen and you'd rather save someone else from experiencing that. Thus taking you back to point A in the end. Why, because at the end of the day the fear of many things and knowing yourself and your self sabotaging ways will always stand in the way of going after things you truly want in life because you know how it's going to turn out in the end and you've accepted it and grown to welcome it. It's not a way to live one's life and there's no way it can lead to happiness in life, but it's the life one lives and maybe deserves. So no it's not pride that keeps me from going after that happiness, it's simply fear on so many different levels that stands in my way.

What could've been

What could've been. What should've been and the sad reality that it just won't be. They say you're never supposed to question the man above as to why and i can i get that, but still can't help but ask why and be pissed at myself and him for allowing me to screw the dream up after given a chance to make a years long dream come true. Now that it's all seemingly come to an end, all one can do is sit back mad at the world with no faith in anything whatsoever and no one to blame but oneself. It used to be God and I, but nowadays that faith and belief has seemingly gone out the window and it's just I.I truly wanted wanted my dream and that happy ending to come true in the end, but my actions failed to show it in the end, but I guess me being me it was always going to end like this and I get that. It's just cest ma vie and it is what it is, as they say. #Raven#Trey #her #I #RandA #LoSiento